FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
