I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
