it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
