i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
