smell my finger.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
