This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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