you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
