He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
