When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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