wanna go halves on a baby?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
