Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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