he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
