God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
