he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There are leaves in my underwear?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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