Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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