People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
