Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
