Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
