Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
