I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My breasts were aching with rage.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I want to fling myself into the sun
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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