I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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