So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We need to rekindle our bromance
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
