Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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