Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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