He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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