Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
