Duck Duck Cougar?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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