these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he fucked my hip out of place.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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