The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
