so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
