Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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