I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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