I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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