laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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