so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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