please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
