he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is wine microwaveable?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
