i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There's even glitter on my cock...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
