When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
