if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
