You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
