saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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