We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
