She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
