Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i think i just lost a toe
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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