Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
