I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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