But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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