bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
