Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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