wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
