So drunk its hurt
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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