one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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