Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
