U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
vagina is talking i cant
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
