Pants 0. Shit 1.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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