my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
