i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
