Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The Olympian is in my bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
