I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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