the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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