She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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