In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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