True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
