i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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