I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sobbing to NWA
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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