why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
