I accidentally had phone sex last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
